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What to do if you’re stuck in the US for Thanksgiving

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Not going home for the holidays? Here’s a list of things to do in town while you wait for your American friends to return to campus.

Alia Lutra

What to do if you can’t go home for Thanksgiving. (Illustration by Alia Luther)

Off-Third is WSN’s satire column.

Alone in town this Thanksgiving, thousands of miles away from family? Here’s a great outline of fantastic things to fill your time with during this lonely holiday season.

One of the best things about living in the city that never sleeps is that you’ll never be forced to endure the silence of constant sirens, clueless tourists asking for directions, and the ever-pleasing pedestrian signals. Even among the cacophony of sounds in the city, nothing compares to house music. The sound of the house is always available on your phone; just watch a video of a family fight – it will take you back to when your parents argued endlessly about what they wanted for dinner, or when your brother started yelling at your mother for not letting him sleep over at his house a friend

And if you want to get out of town, just make your situation bring you to their house via the LIRR or Metro-North, even if they claim to be out of town. You’re three months into this situation anyway, and as much as you’re pleased that your activities have slowly turned into dinner and movie dates, he doesn’t seem to be getting any closer to asking you to be his partner. Inviting yourself to his house is the fastest and most effective way to strengthen your relationship.

You’ll see his childhood home, meet his mildly racist grandparents, and feel out of place among his school friends. He takes you to the stand where he told his ex-girlfriend that he loved her. The rich quaintness of the city will make you even more grateful for your own home.

His grandpa will ask you if you know his Indian cardiologist, and you’ll go silent in shock as his uncle talks about how great Trump’s immigration policy is. He will have no choice but to introduce you as his girlfriend. And if you’re lucky, you might even try the amazing delicacy that is cranberry sauce.

Go ahead and make a list of all the people who ask you what Thanksgiving is in your country. We love answering questions about our country! It reminds us of how ignorant Americans are of their own history and acts as a huge ego boost. Let this list be a constant reminder that even if you’re single this holiday season, at least you won’t be asking the question. Thank God for small mercies.

And if all else fails, just fly home. Despite the thousands of dollars it would cost to fly home, and the damage a 21-hour commute would do to your circadian rhythm, you can finally be with your family. Spend a lively 48 hours at home – enough time to argue over who will sit with your siblings on the way to see your whole family.

We can joke about the pain with family and live in the truth that our new home is thousands of miles away. But most of all: keep your friends close. The city can be incredibly lonely during the holidays, and being thousands of miles away from home is an isolating feeling made worse by the lack of college friends. You can remind them that while their experience with family is valid, not everyone can afford the luxury of a car, train, or even a short plane ride home. Encourage them to spend time with their families this Thanksgiving, even if it’s just to make a point – we owe our families our time, especially during the holidays. They don’t celebrate even on holidays.

The Opinion section of WSN aims to publish ideas worthy of discussion. The opinions presented in the Opinion section are solely those of the writer.

Contact Aksha Mittapalli in [email protected]

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