Almost everyone has sex, but few talk about it openly. We hope to change that, at least at NYU.
Welcome to Sex in the Square, WSN’s new weekly sex column. We are two seniors who are open and passionate about discussing sex and sexuality in the NYU world. New York is a great place to meet and connect with people, but it can also be scary and intimidating – and we’re here to help.
We want the sex column to be a platform where students can ask questions, read about each other’s experiences on campus, and help each other live their most honest sex lives. Wondering how to navigate safe sex in the city? Hookup horror stories? Best drugstore sex toys? We are taught to be ashamed, but we hope that people will begin to destroy some of that inner shame by answering questions like this.
While we have many of our own stories to share, we’ll also feature professionals who combine clinical expertise with conventional expertise. Sometimes it can feel like you’re the only person with a question or experience—we hope to help people know they’re not alone.
To send us your questions or experiences, fill out this form.
Why are we interested in creating this sex section?
Rachel: People have so many interesting stories. I’m excited to hear them and share our own. Sex is an important part of many people’s lives, but for many it is a hidden part. It doesn’t look the same for everyone, and that’s okay.
Shreya: Sex is an important part of who I am, and learning that about myself at a time when I didn’t even know how to navigate sex was extremely difficult. I want to help teach people about healthy sex, especially when they’re just starting to explore it. Sex doesn’t have to be a priority for you to understand.
Rachel: People don’t know how to talk about sex because we’ve been taught that it’s dirty and taboo. Destigmatizing conversations about sex and how to have it safely and comfortably while feeling empowered is essential.
Shreya: We were never given comprehensive sex education. We are told to use a condom, but that’s it. What kind of condoms? When do you wear them? What about dryness? grease? Do I have to orgasm for it to count as good sex? All this and more is missing. The answers to these questions won’t make you a sex god or goddess, but they can make the experience easier.
Rachel: It is important to feel comfortable in your body. The more comfortable I feel, the more confident I am and the more ready I am for sexual exploration. I can say “I’m interested in X, can we try it?” without feeling inner shame or condemnation.
Shreya: It is very important to explore your sexuality on your own. If you don’t know what turns your body on and which finger to put where, how can you expect your sexual partner or partners to know about it? You need to know what your body likes sexually so you can create the safe space it needs when you’re going to have sex with someone. Masturbation allowed me to be more open about my sexual desires and find beauty in my body.
What did we wish we knew about sex and sexuality before coming to NYU?
Shreya: Approaching sex as a college student feels different. Most of us aren’t even having sex with NYU students—we’re having sex with New Yorkers. I’ve had one-night stands with people much older than me, and the experience was completely different from what I’d been told or seen in Hollywood.
Rachel: While in college, it can be difficult to learn how to navigate dating and socializing in a huge city, and that’s where safety and knowing your limits are important. I remember my freshman year of college just going to someone’s dorm or apartment without meeting them first. I never learned how to use social media and dating apps safely.
Shreya: I would like to know the importance of communication. Talking about sex before sex is the foundation of having a great sexual experience. You should tell your sexual partner or partners what you like and don’t like, what feels safe and what doesn’t, before you take action.
Rachel: The best sex I ever had was when I talked about it. I was always afraid that if I talked about sex before I had sex, I would be judged or thought too messy. If I am judged, it is by another person, not by me.
Shreya: This applies to any consensual sexual situation. One time a guy did something that I didn’t like and it was just disgusting. I also found out he was a Trump supporter after we had sex, so everything he was doing made sense, but I just didn’t have the vocabulary to confront the issue at the time. I also promised myself that after that date I would never again have sex with someone without knowing their views on Trump. Before I started casual sex in the city, I didn’t have any information about what or how to approach the sexual experience.
Rachel: In New York, you can be more open. There is a culture that promotes healthier explorations of sex and sexuality. We are really lucky to be in New York.
Contact Rachel Fadem and Shreya Tomar at [email protected]
